Momentary Weakness
Happiness comesin strange ways, I’m learning.
For example, I am amused at the idea
that I can erase
the deathly things that happened to you today
by staring at your lips.
I am imagining your head back
and your legs spread
but you think I’m sympathetic
a good egg
a cozy place to rest
Temptation
chocolate cheesecake
slides down my throat
as smooth and delicious
as you. I want you
as surely as I want to see
tomorrow
but don’t worry
the thought of tomorrow is
intoxicating
and it is also
a lifetime away.
slides down my throat
as smooth and delicious
as you. I want you
as surely as I want to see
tomorrow
but don’t worry
the thought of tomorrow is
intoxicating
and it is also
a lifetime away.
Lust
You are mine.
I am thirsty.
Pollute me with your lush intoxicate,
dishy creature comfort –
You make me shiver with excitements.
I feel warm.
I see God.
I am thirsty.
Pollute me with your lush intoxicate,
dishy creature comfort –
You make me shiver with excitements.
I feel warm.
I see God.
The Lunatics Have Taken Over
Fear
I hate you
you are the instigator
of every bad thing
Fear
I hate you
you are the instigator
of every bad thing
I will confront you.
When I feel myself running,
I will turn around
and run smack! right into you
When I feel myself running,
I will turn around
and run smack! right into you
then you can't hurt me.
You will mean nothing to my indifference
I'll laugh in your face
and carry on like nothing has happened
You will mean nothing to my indifference
I'll laugh in your face
and carry on like nothing has happened
This is how I will get what I want
what I deserve
I have served my master faithfully
for too long now
what I deserve
I have served my master faithfully
for too long now
There's a new kid in town
and they've got friends
they call me from the curb
and beckon me to the other side
and they've got friends
they call me from the curb
and beckon me to the other side
I will respond.
You can't stop me
because this time
it's for real.
You can't stop me
because this time
it's for real.
Utah Doesn’t Have a Red Light District
You walk up the platform
your bare calves bruised and skinny
your beige pumps flopping up and down
scuffed and too big for your feet
dead eyes don’t see me
they stare miserably at my baggage
Your baggage is heavier
and it weighs you down
coitus interruptus
maybe you’re thinking of a time
when it mattered
sex as a pleasure
not as a living
Now you don’t have role models
but maybe you identify with Sadie Thompson
who must have been
just like you
a whore
with no money
and even less self-respect
But you must have been really something once
all green sparklers and blonde mane
and if I thought my treasures would help
I would gladly hand them over
your bare calves bruised and skinny
your beige pumps flopping up and down
scuffed and too big for your feet
dead eyes don’t see me
they stare miserably at my baggage
Your baggage is heavier
and it weighs you down
coitus interruptus
maybe you’re thinking of a time
when it mattered
sex as a pleasure
not as a living
Now you don’t have role models
but maybe you identify with Sadie Thompson
who must have been
just like you
a whore
with no money
and even less self-respect
But you must have been really something once
all green sparklers and blonde mane
and if I thought my treasures would help
I would gladly hand them over
Punishment
Right now
I feel about
as desirable as a rock.
No amount of convincing
could get me
to open my mouth
to this fool.
I am thinking
of how passionate
your kisses were.
My mouth voluntarily
opened
to you
welcoming inside
any part of you.
I’ll never know
how your skin feels
next to mine
as it gets older.
I’ll just keep remembering
your hands on my stomach,
your mouth on my breasts,
your breath in my ear.
I’ll just keep looking
for your replacement
around every corner
waiting for your twin
to walk into my life
waiting for you
to want me again.
I feel about
as desirable as a rock.
No amount of convincing
could get me
to open my mouth
to this fool.
I am thinking
of how passionate
your kisses were.
My mouth voluntarily
opened
to you
welcoming inside
any part of you.
I’ll never know
how your skin feels
next to mine
as it gets older.
I’ll just keep remembering
your hands on my stomach,
your mouth on my breasts,
your breath in my ear.
I’ll just keep looking
for your replacement
around every corner
waiting for your twin
to walk into my life
waiting for you
to want me again.
Strength in Numbers is a Myth
The scratching
which was pleasurable last night
won’t go away today
it invades my mind
and stops me from
doing things I want to do
which was pleasurable last night
won’t go away today
it invades my mind
and stops me from
doing things I want to do
The passion, so exciting yesterday
is now frightening
it hides in the deep
behind your eyes
buried stubbornly in your brain
ready for use if necessary
is now frightening
it hides in the deep
behind your eyes
buried stubbornly in your brain
ready for use if necessary
I fantasized about
your body roughing me up
motivated by desire
but in reality
the anger in your eyes
took away that fantasy forever
your body roughing me up
motivated by desire
but in reality
the anger in your eyes
took away that fantasy forever
I needed you then
the gentle you, the sweet you
the you who told me
I love you
respect you
don’t wanna hurt you
Life Begins at the Hop
the gentle you, the sweet you
the you who told me
I love you
respect you
don’t wanna hurt you
Life Begins at the Hop
Tell me
should I feel guilty
I don’t have red hair?
Boring blonde blue eyed
menace
casting a dark cloud
over all your beautiful people
Should I feel guilty
for not going the distance?
I wear sunglasses
to protect my eyes
from your blinding
judgment
should I feel guilty
I don’t have red hair?
Boring blonde blue eyed
menace
casting a dark cloud
over all your beautiful people
Should I feel guilty
for not going the distance?
I wear sunglasses
to protect my eyes
from your blinding
judgment
Kevin
sadness
for beauty
confused
surveillance
beauty
for sadness
embarrassed
watching
how can I explain to you?
only through the eyes
the gateway to the soul
only through the eyes
the gateway to the soul
but I guard mine
with mascara and reflexes
when I feel you looking
with mascara and reflexes
when I feel you looking
desperate blue
I’m not sad
urgent searching
the depths
for a sign
any indication
I’m not sad
urgent searching
the depths
for a sign
any indication
am I wrong?
uncertainty
sweeping through
confidence
not a ring
only an encouraging smile
uncertainty
sweeping through
confidence
not a ring
only an encouraging smile
(untitled)
Obsession
has gotten the best of you
the picture is
not pretty
gloomily
watching out the window
for the slightest
movement
snakelike
slithering across
the dusty road
your voice stuck
from not speaking all day
waiting
with a twisted smile
ironic
you watch
with slitted eyes
smoothly
caressing your lips
and not moving at all
has gotten the best of you
the picture is
not pretty
gloomily
watching out the window
for the slightest
movement
snakelike
slithering across
the dusty road
your voice stuck
from not speaking all day
waiting
with a twisted smile
ironic
you watch
with slitted eyes
smoothly
caressing your lips
and not moving at all
Alone
New York
is a place
with sounds, smells, safety
where I can hide from
you.
Only me,
not the real you
knows where I
like to go best to
hide.
Not to
the Met or
Central Park or the
subway or to Greenwich Village.
The best
place I know
is somewhere you can
never follow because it's guarded
with
very tall
walls that will
never be broken, especially
not by you when I
know
you'll only
come inside to
mangle me in whatever
way you see most fitting.
New York
is a place
with sounds, smells, safety
where I can hide from
you.
Only me,
not the real you
knows where I
like to go best to
hide.
Not to
the Met or
Central Park or the
subway or to Greenwich Village.
The best
place I know
is somewhere you can
never follow because it's guarded
with
very tall
walls that will
never be broken, especially
not by you when I
know
you'll only
come inside to
mangle me in whatever
way you see most fitting.
Kaleidoscope
I am thinking of you
lying on that table,
your legs spread and
secured by the irons that should
be used for entirely different purposes.
lying on that table,
your legs spread and
secured by the irons that should
be used for entirely different purposes.
You are fulfilling your destiny
doing that for which
you were made.
I will live the moment for you
only to think of what happens next.
There is something greater
than the pain, the right now –
really you should think of the future.
doing that for which
you were made.
I will live the moment for you
only to think of what happens next.
There is something greater
than the pain, the right now –
really you should think of the future.
For now,
I am living for you
I feel what you feel
I hear what you hear
Yes! There is something greater
than the pain, the blood, the gore.
I feel it moving down my belly
the moment pushes its way to the surface
to the shock of air
the all-embracing sounds
of a new life
making you totally unsure
of life or death
immaculate
I am living for you
I feel what you feel
I hear what you hear
Yes! There is something greater
than the pain, the blood, the gore.
I feel it moving down my belly
the moment pushes its way to the surface
to the shock of air
the all-embracing sounds
of a new life
making you totally unsure
of life or death
immaculate
If only he could feel it
that which he helped create
the pleasure was equally his
but the burden has been respectfully
lifted from his shoulders.
He’s in the waiting room
so he couldn’t see the blood, the string
he’d only see the beauty,
then question your anger afterwards.
Smoking and pacing
waiting
for the pain to disappear
for the child to emerge
Magically.
that which he helped create
the pleasure was equally his
but the burden has been respectfully
lifted from his shoulders.
He’s in the waiting room
so he couldn’t see the blood, the string
he’d only see the beauty,
then question your anger afterwards.
Smoking and pacing
waiting
for the pain to disappear
for the child to emerge
Magically.
Self-Importance
You think you’re really great or something
with your slicked back hair and smooth moves
when I’ve seen under those well-tailored clothes
is the naked body of an insecure man
with your slicked back hair and smooth moves
when I’ve seen under those well-tailored clothes
is the naked body of an insecure man
You are trying to fool me with your double talk
running huge circles around me to confuse
to make me unaware of anything except
the black looming shadow of your ego
running huge circles around me to confuse
to make me unaware of anything except
the black looming shadow of your ego
I think you want me to forget that
I discovered your real motivation long ago
it seems incomprehensible to me now
that I even considered you for one moment
I discovered your real motivation long ago
it seems incomprehensible to me now
that I even considered you for one moment
You were right, as usual. I did not question
only nodded blankly wondering why
I did not meet you sooner in life
but grateful that I finally had
only nodded blankly wondering why
I did not meet you sooner in life
but grateful that I finally had
The truth is wedged deep in my mind
drowning in the swamp, images of you
they come and go so quickly leaving
me no gratification at all
drowning in the swamp, images of you
they come and go so quickly leaving
me no gratification at all
How I Feel Now
rhymes with red
rhymes with blue
rhymes with orange
I’ve been true
‘cause only you
can make me stew
the way I have
over you.
heart of darkness
angel of light
where are you now?
I need you tonight
don’t matter who’s right
every night’s a fight
without you near
i can’t even write.
angel of light
where are you now?
I need you tonight
don’t matter who’s right
every night’s a fight
without you near
i can’t even write.
It’s Nothing ‘til ya Fuck ‘em (For Marta)
I am a cat
and I’m watching
with closely slitted eyes
and well licked paws
your Green eyes reflect
my Blue ones
priceless stones to the Emerald City
or a slimy pathway to Hell
perched on top
high on catnip
in control but really not
my feline relaxed
yawn
meow in long, bored drawls
MEOW
gimme love I want attention
your hand in my mind
stroking the menagerie
my carnivorous cataclysm
hungry for a romp
animadversion, amusement
to my carnal cat calls
angry restlessness
obscene restraint
and I’m watching
with closely slitted eyes
and well licked paws
your Green eyes reflect
my Blue ones
priceless stones to the Emerald City
or a slimy pathway to Hell
perched on top
high on catnip
in control but really not
my feline relaxed
yawn
meow in long, bored drawls
MEOW
gimme love I want attention
your hand in my mind
stroking the menagerie
my carnivorous cataclysm
hungry for a romp
animadversion, amusement
to my carnal cat calls
angry restlessness
obscene restraint
I am a cat
and I am holier than thou
quiet fever
poised, resting
until you muster it again.
and I am holier than thou
quiet fever
poised, resting
until you muster it again.
Pipin
I miss your warmth.
Nothing has the same loving effect
that you did
I miss your quiet still
the calm affection
ever present
unconditional
Nothing has the same loving effect
that you did
I miss your quiet still
the calm affection
ever present
unconditional
Significance
Am I an ornament
or am I real?
Am I a person
or am I an eel?
The way you treat me
that's how I feel -
not happy or sad, just
a murky shade of teal.
Sometimes you are amusing
mostly just a bore
you can be entertaining
but now I need more
so I grab my coat and purse
and run to the store
'cause the guy behind the counter
looks like Martin Gore.
mostly just a bore
you can be entertaining
but now I need more
so I grab my coat and purse
and run to the store
'cause the guy behind the counter
looks like Martin Gore.
I need him to love me
or at least to want me
I'd have him and forget him
but you're intent to haunt me.
or at least to want me
I'd have him and forget him
but you're intent to haunt me.
Rage
I'm trying to reach you
to get through
to make you understand
this incredible anger
it is overthrown
by manipulation from you
but it won't stop
it is always just
on the surface
so close
to exploding
right in your face
A Killer in You is a Killer in Me
Where angels fear to tread
Is similar to the place
where killers stalk their prey
It’s the same place dolphins
are needlessly tortured and slaughtered
where forest creatures are forced
from their warm, protective niches
it’s the place where laws
forget their protective duties and
take on the role of
violent forcemakers so desperate innocents
are frustrated to the point
they can no longer live
Heaven and Hell are one
With Utopia the unreachable step
Too fragile for limbo’s hefty
dead weight. Violence no alternative
but a calling. One response
For another
with equal power.
Is similar to the place
where killers stalk their prey
It’s the same place dolphins
are needlessly tortured and slaughtered
where forest creatures are forced
from their warm, protective niches
it’s the place where laws
forget their protective duties and
take on the role of
violent forcemakers so desperate innocents
are frustrated to the point
they can no longer live
Heaven and Hell are one
With Utopia the unreachable step
Too fragile for limbo’s hefty
dead weight. Violence no alternative
but a calling. One response
For another
with equal power.
Elegy
We
are the children
of the 80’s
and
we are full
of all the hate,
fear and cynicism
of any adult.
Help us believe
there is hope,
that pride and arrogance
will not be
our tragic flaws.
We know the truth,
or, we hope we know
the truth.
We hope that
we aren’t being led on,
lead to believe things which
simply
aren’t true;
That our trust and blind faith
are not used
against us,
and that our naivety and innocence
are not taken
for granted.
No One Can be Everything to Everyone, But I've Triedare the children
of the 80’s
and
we are full
of all the hate,
fear and cynicism
of any adult.
Help us believe
there is hope,
that pride and arrogance
will not be
our tragic flaws.
We know the truth,
or, we hope we know
the truth.
We hope that
we aren’t being led on,
lead to believe things which
simply
aren’t true;
That our trust and blind faith
are not used
against us,
and that our naivety and innocence
are not taken
for granted.
good luck
you'll need it
is all I can think of
to say to you
you're a foolyou'll need it
is all I can think of
to say to you
you'll never find better
you're wasting time on
old emotions
tired feelings
thinking of what could have been
longing for something better
and all the while
it's chasing youthinking of what could have been
longing for something better
and all the while
staring you right in the face
shouting for attention
screaming to be grabbed
scooped up in a careless moment
when the past is irrelevant
and the future
lights up your eyes
I hardly recognize youwhen the past is irrelevant
and the future
lights up your eyes
with all that unhappiness
shadowing your face
darkening your eyes
and that cloud of fear
so obviously hanging over your head
makes your slouch
worse than usual
I wish you luck, I say
you'll need it.
you'll need it.
Bump!
Your day will come
don't think you're protected
when you get what's finally yours
I hope you can still laugh
you're gonna get what you deserve
any day now and
birthdays don't count
diplomatic immunity
doesn't matter to the average person.
The day will come when
every person you've screwed
comes back to haunt you
and fucks you ten times worse
than you fucked them
don't think you'll enjoy it
unicorn horns are not pleasurable
batteries not required
only a heart of steel
What a beautiful moment -Your day will come
don't think you're protected
when you get what's finally yours
I hope you can still laugh
you're gonna get what you deserve
any day now and
birthdays don't count
diplomatic immunity
doesn't matter to the average person.
The day will come when
every person you've screwed
comes back to haunt you
and fucks you ten times worse
than you fucked them
don't think you'll enjoy it
unicorn horns are not pleasurable
batteries not required
only a heart of steel
the truth comes out at last!
bet you say uncle
before I get tired of hurting you.
Drunk at Mike’s Party
in the backseat of my car
I am sequestered
with you.
You and I
are alone,
away from
the world outside
untouched
by anyone
except each other.
Sparks flew
when you touched me
your hip
on my hip
my mind so clear,
filled with you
I soaked it up
and a moment
lasted hours
continued
the next day
and the next year.
when you touched me
your hip
on my hip
my mind so clear,
filled with you
I soaked it up
and a moment
lasted hours
continued
the next day
and the next year.
Denial
I can’t breathe becauseyour words took their toll
in one fell swoop
yet again.
Too good to be true,
it seems like one big cliché
me and you, who do we think we are?,
I think you ask yourself,
attempting to be happy
among the turmoil,
miscommunication, and
broken countries.
You think turning away from me
after a moment of tenderness
is the answer to all your problems.
Temporary happiness, back to dull reality
full of our mutual bitterness and
anger over our respective histories
feelings strong enough to ignore.
Does it hurt when I look at you?
I see your smile but I don’t believe it
I hear your denial but I don’t believe it
You laugh as you push me away
as if I don’t matter at all.
Everything
Your wittiness bedazzles me
into wondering, what
is beneath that comedic shell?
Lonely eyes
across a desperate trail
search
for the ultimate meeting.
Quickly away
the rabbit returns
to it’s den, but the haze remains
unfaithfully revealing
the darkest cave of all.
Tell me your story of suffering:
I share your bitterness
the sadness in your eyes,
the weary resolution
to what will be.
It doesn’t have to
be that way
I’ll change the world
overnight
and create your favourite companion,
your best friend, your faithful lover,
your delicious whore.
Your wittiness bedazzles me
into wondering, what
is beneath that comedic shell?
Lonely eyes
across a desperate trail
search
for the ultimate meeting.
Quickly away
the rabbit returns
to it’s den, but the haze remains
unfaithfully revealing
the darkest cave of all.
Tell me your story of suffering:
I share your bitterness
the sadness in your eyes,
the weary resolution
to what will be.
It doesn’t have to
be that way
I’ll change the world
overnight
and create your favourite companion,
your best friend, your faithful lover,
your delicious whore.
Death in a Dream (for Oliver)
Thoughts of death consume my soul.
the passion of Dracula
universe of angels
the world's quietus hour
obscurity
shades of blackness and I pull down
the blinds at dusk
cimmerian darkness
Thoughts of death dissolve my soul.
necrophilia
daunting
nocturnal
butchery
slaughter
defenestration
strangulation
where's the cross? the gloriousness? the martyrdom?
the glamour of it all......
missing
only earthworms and maggots
corpses hanging from meathooks
the reek of rotting flesh, once moist from life
A knock at the door
it's Azrael
as sweet as sugarcane
soft as a kitten
all creamy skin and whiteness
delivers a message
Last Roundup
Thoughts of death consume my soul.
the passion of Dracula
universe of angels
the world's quietus hour
obscurity
shades of blackness and I pull down
the blinds at dusk
cimmerian darkness
Thoughts of death dissolve my soul.
necrophilia
daunting
nocturnal
butchery
slaughter
defenestration
strangulation
where's the cross? the gloriousness? the martyrdom?
the glamour of it all......
missing
only earthworms and maggots
corpses hanging from meathooks
the reek of rotting flesh, once moist from life
A knock at the door
it's Azrael
as sweet as sugarcane
soft as a kitten
all creamy skin and whiteness
delivers a message
Last Roundup
Kill Me in the Morning
Come on, you said
I'll love you
you
would possess me
if you could
Don't say I love you
I'll tell you what to think
Obsession is not my only connection to you
and you
have the answer to everything
the solution to nothing
Was it really done for love?Come on, you said
I'll love you
you
would possess me
if you could
Don't say I love you
I'll tell you what to think
Obsession is not my only connection to you
and you
have the answer to everything
the solution to nothing
or were there other reasons.....
You don't know me
I am above this
and I don't need you
I cared too much to begin with
I need the eyes of a blind man
to censor my response
wandering
I am wandering
through Kangaroo Court
and you are laughing
so am I
but inside
I'm dying
(untitled)
When Aphrodesia goes to Mars
the whole universe stands still
Her queries become the center of it all
She pouts, she sulks,
you give in
You surrender yourself
so you can become her possession
She is the infinite magician
making love appear and disappear
with a wave of her world
in a kaleidoscope of variation
between herself and her
Her arrogance, her manipulation
are Aphrodesia's tools
with which she can scrape, carve and create
the Perfect You
what she wants you to be
and what she wants to be too.
When Aphrodesia goes to Mars
the whole universe stands still
Her queries become the center of it all
She pouts, she sulks,
you give in
You surrender yourself
so you can become her possession
She is the infinite magician
making love appear and disappear
with a wave of her world
in a kaleidoscope of variation
between herself and her
Her arrogance, her manipulation
are Aphrodesia's tools
with which she can scrape, carve and create
the Perfect You
what she wants you to be
and what she wants to be too.
Communication
It’s true, I know
I am maniacal
but I can’t help laughing
when I’m this close to you
what will we say tomorrow
without a room to guide our conversation?
the open universe
will be too unlimiting
If only we didn’t talk
we only laughed
drank in the music
gloated over the beauty
It’s true, I know
I am maniacal
but I can’t help laughing
when I’m this close to you
what will we say tomorrow
without a room to guide our conversation?
the open universe
will be too unlimiting
If only we didn’t talk
we only laughed
drank in the music
gloated over the beauty
But can I make you laugh
without your nipples to cue me?
Really, you should look closer
they’re the funny ones
without your nipples to cue me?
Really, you should look closer
they’re the funny ones
Not me
not my senseless purpose
it becomes weary
after the thirtieth change in plans
not my senseless purpose
it becomes weary
after the thirtieth change in plans
But now is now
and we won’t think
the future will come
and it too will be a passing moment
and we won’t think
the future will come
and it too will be a passing moment
Heard You Missed Me, Now I’m Back
If only I knew then
what I know now
Barbie would have been so different.
While we were bonding,
Barbie and Cindy and
Superstar and Marie
could also have bonded.
They could have ditched Ken
instead of fighting over him,
sharing the wealth,
investing in power.
If only I knew then
what I know now
Barbie would have been so different.
While we were bonding,
Barbie and Cindy and
Superstar and Marie
could also have bonded.
They could have ditched Ken
instead of fighting over him,
sharing the wealth,
investing in power.
What did we know at ten
of cunning linguists though;
Derrida, Foucault, Kristeva
only part of my future
soon to become a way of life
an alternate way of being.
of cunning linguists though;
Derrida, Foucault, Kristeva
only part of my future
soon to become a way of life
an alternate way of being.
Will they call me man-hater
when they hear the truth?
No, not the beautiful flesh
that classifies us
conquer and divide,
but the offensive mindset.
when they hear the truth?
No, not the beautiful flesh
that classifies us
conquer and divide,
but the offensive mindset.
Ken can come again.
If he replaces his insulting attitude
I’ll welcome him
with open arms
and open legs
Welcome to the party, Ken.
If he replaces his insulting attitude
I’ll welcome him
with open arms
and open legs
Welcome to the party, Ken.
Titles
I don’t want to be a mother
I don’t want to be a mother
to some spoiled brat man/boy
who wants me to do his laundry
and change my name and
always be in the mood
even though
I’ve had a hard day
and he doesn’t look
particularly appealing right now
who wants me to do his laundry
and change my name and
always be in the mood
even though
I’ve had a hard day
and he doesn’t look
particularly appealing right now
Hunger
My thirst for knowledge
will never end
I crave it
bite my tongue
taste the tin blood
My thirst for knowledge
will never end
I crave it
bite my tongue
taste the tin blood
You
can never satisfy
my desire
it is immeasurable
you are small
can never satisfy
my desire
it is immeasurable
you are small
If my loneliness ends
I will worry
my bitter friend
has weakened
and gone away
I will worry
my bitter friend
has weakened
and gone away
Enraptured visions
of a happy me
are too far to reach
If I do try to touch them,
I do it with hesitation
of a happy me
are too far to reach
If I do try to touch them,
I do it with hesitation
Tell the emperor to buy me new clothes
and would that make me happy?
a frozen duck
without food
starving
and would that make me happy?
a frozen duck
without food
starving
What do you think of my
strong willed friend?
It will never leave me
alone
with you
strong willed friend?
It will never leave me
alone
with you
We’ve been together too long
it would be too hard
we’ve grown attached
although we have little in common
and generally don’t agree
still
we’ll stay together
the alternative is scary
a barren desert
without a cactus
it would be too hard
we’ve grown attached
although we have little in common
and generally don’t agree
still
we’ll stay together
the alternative is scary
a barren desert
without a cactus
I would like some tulips
I will them to grow
and so they do
only to be trampled
by my well-meaning friend
I will them to grow
and so they do
only to be trampled
by my well-meaning friend
Bloodletting
Your breasts would be
a welcome change
from the smug
column of perforation
that constantly invades
my brain
Your breasts would be
a welcome change
from the smug
column of perforation
that constantly invades
my brain
Sweet softness
not self-righteous inflexibility
to free, not to handicap
my vulnerable soul
passionate sensuality
waiting to be free
not self-righteous inflexibility
to free, not to handicap
my vulnerable soul
passionate sensuality
waiting to be free
Not awkward sucking
velvet tongues
caressing
velvet skin
naturally embracing
the firefly
velvet tongues
caressing
velvet skin
naturally embracing
the firefly
White skin
black hair
pink nipples
mine to touch
yours to feel
free to be
black hair
pink nipples
mine to touch
yours to feel
free to be
Goodeness
My own little Schroeder
gorgeous melodies
visions of passion
appear at your fingertips
eternal, ethereal harmonies
relieve me
of the humdrum
of everyday life
gorgeous melodies
visions of passion
appear at your fingertips
eternal, ethereal harmonies
relieve me
of the humdrum
of everyday life
Now I’m leaving
until next time I see you
music will keep me warm
and not so far away
rejoicing
that you exist
making the world
a better place
until next time I see you
music will keep me warm
and not so far away
rejoicing
that you exist
making the world
a better place
Being 16
Darkness comes
in forms bigger than
an ocean
tossing and turning
in anger over
nature’s cruel indifference
Darkness comes
in sounds louder than
a thousand techno beats
the acoustics of your guitar
ring in my ears
until tears fall freely
in sounds louder than
a thousand techno beats
the acoustics of your guitar
ring in my ears
until tears fall freely
Darkness comes
when I close my eyes
alone in bed
at night
I think
and I cry
always the same story
but we learned so much
about each other
female bonding
Remember Barbie and Ken?
I always hated them
for telling me what to expect.
I should be tired,
anxious about going home,
thinking about The Big Picture.
But I am excited
aroused, that is
we are animals
essentially
ever be told again,
no laughter ever sincere,
no sex as intense
Everything
appears in shades of grey
even with my rose coloured glasses
nails that you have ever felt
scraping down your back
in a moment of weakness.
I will have the shortest skirt
in the cheapest leather
to wear with my white
stiletto pumps.
are playfully travelling
from one floor
to the next
laughing and
joking and talking,
as if history
never even happened.
I wish it was beyond me
but the thought hurts
as much as if
I was actually seeing it happen.
at the Red Haired Venus
watching for hours
willing her to life
hoping she will come
and be the harlot
of his dreams.
when I close my eyes
alone in bed
at night
I think
and I cry
Heaven Knows I’m Miserable Now
One more tear
is a small price to pay
for your happiness.
A small sacrifice
to make you feel powerful
and needed,
even though
we both know
I’m lying yet again.
One more tear
is a small price to pay
for your happiness.
A small sacrifice
to make you feel powerful
and needed,
even though
we both know
I’m lying yet again.
Vision Quest
Remember Barbie and Ken?
We played together constantly
female bonding
always with me as Ken
the aggressor
intrusive
determined to have Barbie
in a loving way
You as Barbie, and you always submittedRemember Barbie and Ken?
We played together constantly
female bonding
always with me as Ken
the aggressor
intrusive
determined to have Barbie
in a loving way
always the same story
but we learned so much
about each other
female bonding
Remember Barbie and Ken?
I always hated them
for telling me what to expect.
The Accident
At 4:00 a.m.
there is nothing more beautiful
than standing among broken glass
and crashed tin
my eyes focused on the spot
you could’ve been
my arms wrapped around
where you are now
At 5:00 a.m.At 4:00 a.m.
there is nothing more beautiful
than standing among broken glass
and crashed tin
my eyes focused on the spot
you could’ve been
my arms wrapped around
where you are now
I should be tired,
anxious about going home,
thinking about The Big Picture.
But I am excited
aroused, that is
we are animals
essentially
At 6:30 a.m.
I am awake,
drained
from the level of intensity
of unexpected events
and the moment that turns
over and over in my mind
is when I was truly myself
unrestrained,
for once.
I am awake,
drained
from the level of intensity
of unexpected events
and the moment that turns
over and over in my mind
is when I was truly myself
unrestrained,
for once.
Long Distances
Sometimes
I feel you are
immortal.
You must be!
What is a world without
you waiting
back here in safety
for me to return?
No stories would Sometimes
I feel you are
immortal.
You must be!
What is a world without
you waiting
back here in safety
for me to return?
ever be told again,
no laughter ever sincere,
no sex as intense
Everything
appears in shades of grey
even with my rose coloured glasses
Love is a joke
without you the receiver
my imagination is lost
without you running inside
from fantasy to reality and back
without you the receiver
my imagination is lost
without you running inside
from fantasy to reality and back
Tart
I want to grow the longest,
thickest, wildest hair
anyone ever saw.
I want to have the heaviest
eyelashes anyone ever had
so I don’t have to open my eyes.
I want to glue on the longestI want to grow the longest,
thickest, wildest hair
anyone ever saw.
I want to have the heaviest
eyelashes anyone ever had
so I don’t have to open my eyes.
nails that you have ever felt
scraping down your back
in a moment of weakness.
I will have the shortest skirt
in the cheapest leather
to wear with my white
stiletto pumps.
Scenes From the AGO
Scene One:
Wandering
are two friends
hoping not to see
knowing they will
discover
the other.
One is annoyed
silently
the other, loudly so.
When inevitably they meet
the silent one stares
silently
at the flashing neon sign
pretending to read it
ignoring the loud one
who rants and raves
about what a jerk
he is.
are two friends
hoping not to see
knowing they will
discover
the other.
One is annoyed
silently
the other, loudly so.
When inevitably they meet
the silent one stares
silently
at the flashing neon sign
pretending to read it
ignoring the loud one
who rants and raves
about what a jerk
he is.
Scene Two:
Both of youare playfully travelling
from one floor
to the next
laughing and
joking and talking,
as if history
never even happened.
I wish it was beyond me
but the thought hurts
as much as if
I was actually seeing it happen.
Scene Three:
My friend is gawkingat the Red Haired Venus
watching for hours
willing her to life
hoping she will come
and be the harlot
of his dreams.
Derevaun Seraun
Hymns like a whimpering love song come to me in a dream:
Vague, flowery images that remind me
of the golden, green hills of Luxembourg.
My lover recites stories from the Scripture
as he begins the nightly ritual.
Words glide smoothly from his tongue
in a mosaic of pleasure and pain;
Esoteric visions of angels in white
dominate my dreams and
I’m made to feel divine in a way that no one
else was ever made to feel.
Flashbacks of the Obeah involuntarily haunt me:
Beatings on an ancient wanga drum
Pounding in the background of sacrifice
The witch doctor offers a celestial grin
and obligatory handshake to the virgin’s lover
Black hooded robes
Shepherds held prisoner
Rhythmic moaning and chanting
Images of members from long ago
The pathetic spinster
Semper fidelis
A supernal glow on her face
So lovely
So innocent
She will be saved.
The Chief Priests and Scribes send a transient message:
CAVE CANEM
The missionaries take priority over
every available position.
Those without a placement are
without dignity
and they stand by, hoping to
catch glimpses of my lover’s ethereal charm.
We go to a club and
the other girls are attentive.
I beat them off with piercing glares
I beat them off with piercing glares
and grip Venus by the hair as I lead him
to our table
right in front
so everyone can see just who is in control.
And now, for your entertainment,
pleasure and distraction,
my scantily clad assistant will romp
around the room
doing a two-step bunny hop
and juggling six bananas
with her tongue.
The audience responds with indifference,
unlike my selfless abandon
to my ardent lover-
I am more than congenial.
Like an addicted junkie,
I wear humility to cover my motivations.
I’ve always wanted to travel the
restless centers and corners of the Earth;
To roam ascetic jungles
and explore strange cities
with natural reticence and fanaticism
until rigor mortis is my negligee
but never forget the penetrating eyes
and bloody lips that murmur
“fool. You are nobody.”
I Can’t Stop Feeling You
I am alone in darkness
hand to burning flesh
arousing erotic fantasies
in non-erotic existences
I am unable to control
the pleasure and the pain slipping
in and out of my intentions
I can only lay back and hope
knowing that the pain
won’t stop
fingers in my hair
pressing
stroking
trying to erase all shivering thoughts
of substance
Paranoid, guilty, unfit, mad
Fanatic, insatiable, crippling, bad
I am alone in darkness
hand to burning flesh
arousing erotic fantasies
in non-erotic existences
I am unable to control
the pleasure and the pain slipping
in and out of my intentions
I can only lay back and hope
knowing that the pain
won’t stop
fingers in my hair
pressing
stroking
trying to erase all shivering thoughts
of substance
Paranoid, guilty, unfit, mad
Fanatic, insatiable, crippling, bad
DON’T LET ME BE TRANSPARENT!
To All Intents and Purposes
When a saint starts hiding sins
that's when all the trouble begins
I've been told a cheater never wins,
a closed door never opens. I must be lacking true insight
because I always sleep at night
what's worse is I feel I have the right
to look you in the eye as I stand up to my full height.
This is Goodbye
Hush.
For once I wish the silence
was muted with
sounds
that declare your joy
scratch the surface
and for once
let me be the aloof one
I'm tired of romance
I want spontaneity
your cravings bore me
and your need scares me
because I don't need you
and I don't want to
but I like you
I always have
and I will speak well of you
in the future
Polka Dot Door
Yellow is the colour
of my skin
as I sit in a hard chair
reminiscent of you
as I sit in a hard chair
reminiscent of you
Red is the colour
of my lips
as they lick you
in my mind
over and over
to the tasting point
of my lips
as they lick you
in my mind
over and over
to the tasting point
Blue is the colour
of the open sky
as it drips freely
past the clouds
into my eyes
Black is the hole
my whole being dark
grey, not illuminating
and not darkening
just sitting there
a plague
of the open sky
as it drips freely
past the clouds
into my eyes
Black is the hole
my whole being dark
grey, not illuminating
and not darkening
just sitting there
a plague
Brothers or Fools
Can’t I say I blame you
the sure thing has always been boring
I believed what you said
I actually believed you were my friend
I trusted you
and I got screwed
You are such a coward.
At this moment I really hate you
and I hate you even more
for making me feel so out of control
I wish I could express
how bitter you have made me
but you wouldn’t care if I could
you’ve blocked me out and
what I say no longer matters
if it ever did.
You give me no choice –
I must accept you as enemy.
the sure thing has always been boring
I believed what you said
I actually believed you were my friend
I trusted you
and I got screwed
You are such a coward.
At this moment I really hate you
and I hate you even more
for making me feel so out of control
I wish I could express
how bitter you have made me
but you wouldn’t care if I could
you’ve blocked me out and
what I say no longer matters
if it ever did.
You give me no choice –
I must accept you as enemy.
In Your Dreams
A clever woman
sleeps with monsters
even after she's witnessed
his bite is as bad
as his bark.
The harder she tries
the more he resists
her unshakable torch
pushes him away
every affectionate word
spoken by her is matched
tenfold
by a nasty one from him
and in fact
love does tear them
apart.
What should be forever
is never
paradise replaced by Hell,
shouting and shoving
to make it's point
the road to eternity
is even longer now
but it was all worth it.
A clever woman
sleeps with monsters
even after she's witnessed
his bite is as bad
as his bark.
The harder she tries
the more he resists
her unshakable torch
pushes him away
every affectionate word
spoken by her is matched
tenfold
by a nasty one from him
and in fact
love does tear them
apart.
What should be forever
is never
paradise replaced by Hell,
shouting and shoving
to make it's point
the road to eternity
is even longer now
but it was all worth it.
(untitled)
50 years after the fact
will I still want you
night after night
envy the person
with you right now
will I still dream
of your arms tightly
around me
my hands in your hair
kissing away your tears
willing you to love me
will I still be as pathetic
and as passionate about you
as I am right now
50 years from now
In 50 years from nowwill I still want you
night after night
envy the person
with you right now
will I still dream
of your arms tightly
around me
my hands in your hair
kissing away your tears
willing you to love me
will I still be as pathetic
and as passionate about you
as I am right now
50 years from now
will the pain be like new
first thing in the morning
last thing at night
unconsciousness the only refuge
when you die
will I break down at your funeral
crying over wasted time
things I should have said
but didn’t
Will I waste my life
thinking of you
wanting you
long after you’ve forgotten
and it doesn’t matter
I imagine myself
eventually going insane
lost in bus stations
with a bottle in my hand
looking for you
but I’ll never find you
because you’ve moved on
and you never take the bus
our worlds will never cross
and for you, it’s just as well
thinking of you
wanting you
long after you’ve forgotten
and it doesn’t matter
I imagine myself
eventually going insane
lost in bus stations
with a bottle in my hand
looking for you
but I’ll never find you
because you’ve moved on
and you never take the bus
our worlds will never cross
and for you, it’s just as well
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