Remembering A Life Well Lived (Thursday, June 21, 2007 - Community Editorial Board, Welland Tribune)
My grandmother, Margaret Ann Dennis, was born 85 years ago in Welland, Ontario after her parents emigrated to Canada from Sicily. Her mother was institutionalized when my grandmother, her three sisters and brother were very young.
The family had no money, but the siblings grew close and they relied on their strong Catholic faith to help them through a difficult life. The girls learned to cook using inexpensive ingredients and to sew their own clothes. They developed close ties to people from their neighborhood and they all shared, traded and made due with what they had.
In grade school, Margie met my grandfather, and when they decided to marry as young teenagers it was a big scandal in both of their families. My grandfather is Ukrainian and it was unacceptable in both families to marry outside the culture. Despite the many attempts to separate them, my grandparents married and had a daughter before my grandfather enlisted in the army and went off to England to fight in World War 2.
He was gone for four years and while he was away, Margie was busy working her way up to a supervisor position at the Cotton Mill, raising my aunt on her own and building a strong support network with her many friends. When the war was over, my grandfather returned home. Margie left the job she loved at the insistence of my grandfather and baby number two - my dad - was soon on the way.
After my grandfather had worked at a plumbing and heating shop for a few years, my grandparents decided to build their own home and start their own business, so they purchased a huge plot of land to accomplish their dream. The shop focused on industrial work and became hugely successful during the 1960's and 70's thanks to all the factories in the area. My grandfather employed 30 or 40 men at a time and my grandmother ran the office. They were both very hardworking, very ambitious, shrewd but generous, people.
Over time, nieces and nephews, family and friends, kids from the neighborhood and stray animals stayed at the small home my grandparents built. Grandma welcomed and fed everyone - her heart and home were open to anyone who needed help, or anyone who wanted to stop in and socialize. Even though she was very busy raising three kids and building a business, she always had time for a cup of coffee and a story.
In 1970, the year after I was born, my grandparents added a beautiful, huge concrete in-ground pool to their backyard. Pool parties became a daily occurrence in the Summer. Everyone was welcome. You never knew who was going to show up to swim...neighbors, friends, employees and their families. Since my grandmother died, so many people have approached me to tell me that they will never forget spending hot summers lounging in my grandparents' backyard around the pool, and those are definitely some of my favorite memories as well. To this day, when I get a chance to swim outside, I lay on top of the water, floating on my back, looking up at the sky, with the sounds of the world blocked out, and I am immediately transported back to that idyllic time.
My grandmother was very generous in many ways, but she was also an extremely clever, successful business woman in her own right, buying and renting out several properties. She was a landlady for decades and her tenants stayed for years. Occasionally she would be a mortgage lender, providing long term, substantial loans to employees and tenants so they could purchase their own home. She was proud of her Italian heritage and belonged to the Regina Lodge for her entire adult life. She maintained a very close group of friends, many of whom she met as a young girl, and played rummoli with the same group of women every Sunday for decades.
She was an active member of the Catholic Women's League her whole life and spent time volunteering and going to conventions with the Church. She travelled with her friends and with my grandfather to places like Los Angeles, Chicago, Italy, Las Vegas, Hawaii and always brought home treasures from her travels for her whole family.
These are the things that were important to my grandmother: Faith in God, sharing her resources with family, spending time with friends, sharing a good meal with people she loved, her Italian heritage, living life as a responsible citizen, contributing as much as possible to charity, sharing her life with her husband of 68 years.
My grandmother was truly the center of our family. She defended and believed in all of us, no matter what any of us did. She would not tolerate complaining about one of her family members, even if it was from another one of her family members. Every holiday, she brought us all together. We all went over to my grandparents' house, and she cooked delicious meals for us. I was always at her side in the kitchen, ever since I was a little kid...I wanted to be able to cook just like her. I still can't believe she'll never cook another meal for us again.
The last time I saw my grandmother alive, I spent the afternoon with her, and I felt frustrated with her. She had fallen out of bed that morning and vehemently refused any medical treatment. We all wanted her to see a doctor but she wouldn't hear of it. Before I left, I sat with her while she ate the dinner I had made for her....lasagna. I had plans with friends later in the evening so I didn't eat with her.
We sat together in silence for almost an hour, both of us consumed with our own thoughts. She was terrified of dying. She was paralyzed by her cancer diagnosis, broken by the radiation treatment she had received. A few days earlier, she showed me where her will and a bunch of cash were hidden away. I didn't want to know, I didn't want to hear it, but she insisted I pay attention. I was annoyed at her for giving up. It never occurred to me that this was it - my very last chance to say anything I wanted to her, to ask her any question, to try and make her smile, to tell her my hopes and dreams, to tell her I love her. I took that moment in time for granted and I'll never have it back.
So this is for you, Grandma.
Margaret Ann Dennis, you were, and always will be, one of the most important people in my life.
You were one of the most patient, caring people I knew. You were steady and reliable and you were a terrific, loving grandmother.
I will miss our lunches and shopping trips together.
I'll miss sitting out at the pool with you.
I'll miss hearing all your stories.
I'll miss the smell of your perfume.
I'll miss your belly shaking laugh.
I'll miss the way you said my name when I said something you didn't like.
I'll miss hearing you plan the menu for the next family dinner.
I'll miss hearing your gossip.
I'll miss the stability you bring to my life.
I'll miss your unwavering support and affection.
I'll miss the way you tap your fingers on the table when you're thinking about something.
I cannot believe you won't be around for the rest of my life. I know I was lucky to have you in my life for as long I did, but it still wasn't long enough.
Our family will never be the same without you and neither will I.
It is so surreal to speak about you in the past tense; to say that I will always remember you.
Of course I will.
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